Some fuckin respect!!!!! The same fuckin respect I give!!!!!! Fuck!!!!! I can’t take this shit!!! I don’t want to have to even think about shit like this. I’d rather be by my fukin self man. I deleted this girl for basically flirting with him on his fb page and he goes back and adds her again. Like fuck my feelings. I want more fuckin respect man. If he didn’t care why add the bitch again? He’s starting this music shit again and I’m bout ti fk through all this bullshit again. Well I’ll be damned. I’m leaving at the first sign cuz I can’t take any more of this. Not just cheating but dealing with this period. I want something where I don’t have to deal with this. Something simple and easy. I deserve it. It’s like he doesn’t care bout what I went through for 6 years. Anytime I tried to talk about it he would get mad for some reason. Lord I’m just so tired. I’m tired of being sad. I hate my fucking life and everything about it. I can’t see myself ever being happy. I’m gonna always be with a man that doesn’t respect me and wants every bitch that shows him attention and I’m gonna be a slave to him and a house full of children.

I was someone else.

To think back to the last time I ever remember being happy and being happy with myself. Every semi happy memory I have there was always something lingering. Something I was going thru or knowing something was on the horizon. With my ex husband he cheated from the beginning of our relationship so every semi happy moment was like spraying perfume on shyt. I was always sad inside or underneath. I can go back to before him and think of when I was young. I wasn’t really happy of happy with myself as a kid tho. My family out me down a lot. They were jokes but kids take things to heart. I carried those jokes with me for years. They made me shy because of it. I wasn’t always shy. They made me self conscious. I will never let them pick on my kids jokes or not. They’re all unhappy that’s why they do it. Plus my mom kinda made my teenage years miserable with her gad. Anyway, I got it! I hate to say it right now but the last time I remember being happy was when I met Markeise for the first time. I was so in love with him and had been looking forward to meeting face to face. I was so happy just to be in his presence. And I felt like this is it. All of the tears and disappointment I was leaving behind the feeling bad about myself I felt like it was over. I felt like I had hit the jackpot. I was so happy…lol. That lasted about 4 months until I found out about the first girl he was talking to behind my back. I remember her name was shay and she was sending him naked pictures. He tried to text her but texted me and that’s what gave him away. It’s been downhill from there.

Fucked up my life so bad. And I’ve drug my kids down with me. It would hurt me to my core but I have to send them to their father. They deserve better.

He’s still texting his ex, and other girls. I don’t have a rant about it. I’m tired.

I am wrong.

if God just wanted to take me though. I wouldn’t mind just dying.

afraid of going to Hell I would kill myself. I promise. My kids would be taken care of. They would miss having a mother, but I would be miserable, which isn’t good for them anyway.

rapisthorse:

Self hate.

figure out a way to not express any opinions, state any grievances, or concerns, or ask any questions….everything will be fine. I think. I’m going to try telling him he’s right about everything, apologizing even if I’m not wrong, and pretty much not bothering him about anything at all. Then we will be good. Stop asking him fucking questions!!! He’s told you that idiot!! You’re such a fucking annoying idiot!! I hate you!!!!!!!!!